10 Ways You Know You’re Not Getting Enough Old Testament

This from my friend and former colleague at Ezell-Harding, Andy Spillers.  I think I’ll use this as an ice-breaker the next time I teach from the Hebrew Bible. 


10 Ways You Know You’re Not Getting Enough Old Testament:

10) The preacher says to turn to the book of Genesis … and you check the table of contents to find it.

9)  You think Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob had a few hits during the sixties.

8)  You open to Ecclesiastes and a World War II war bond falls out.

7)  Your favorite Old Testament patriarch is Hercules.

6)  Small family of woodchucks has taken residence in the Psalms.

5)  You’re frustrated because Charlton Heston isn’t listed in the concordance.

4)  Catching the kids reading Song of Solomon, you demand, “Who gave you this trash?”

3)  You think the Minor Prophets worked in quarries.

2)  You fall for it every time the preacher says to turn to Condominiums 3:16.


And the number one way you know you’re not getting enough Old Testament:

1)      The kids are asking too many question about your usual bedtime story, “Jonah the Shepherd Boy and His Ark of Many Colors.”


One thought on “10 Ways You Know You’re Not Getting Enough Old Testament

  1. Wow. That would be pretty bad.

    My late father never claimed any faith and only attended church rarely in his childhood, but he knew all the answers to the simple Bible questions that stumped intellectuals on Jeopardy.

    Another good test is to ask the congregation to turn with you to Hezekiah (this only works in churches that expect people to bring their own Bible) and wait to see how long it takes for the confusion to set in.

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